Dear Father Christmas (aka over the years Farmer ClipClips)
Now I know you try your hardest each year to make 4 little boys very very happy on Christmas Day, and whilst I am not sure yet that they appreciate all your efforts and stresses, I certainly do.
And whilst you normally do an outstanding job each year, if you don’t mind me saying, there are a few times when you have got it wrong.
So I just wanted to remind you before you and your little elves go off on one.
- Never ever bring those little wooden model kits again. I know you were thrilled when you found them, and excited that you could get 4 different designs which were suitable for little boys (Owl, Dinosaur, Helicopter and Crocodile), but me and my husband did not appreciate them at 5.30am last year when we were working on 2 each, with frustrated little boys who couldn’t do them themselves (because you, as you so often do, failed to consider the appropriate age suitability) and the little pieces just didn’t fit together at all, and well, it was hell.
- If you decide to bring a new computer console, please can you pop over on Christmas Eve to set it up. You do need to think ahead a bit more sometimes. The Wii U you delivered last year needed a 2 hour update before it was ready for action, which resulted in alternative pain (please see little wooden kits in 1)
- Plastic toys. Over the years, we have had more than our fair share of plastic toys. With 4 boys pretty much the same age and all into the same things, we really do not need lots of toys. Just because you may see something that is on offer and you have a voucher for it (obviously if it can not be made by the elves), it DOES NOT mean you need to buy it.
- Selection boxes and other chocolate/sweets tubes type things. Yes these are great, and just what the children want, but they are always on offer and everyone else buys them at least 2, so we do end up with a mountain which normally keeps us going til Easter. I know you will find this hard to resist, as after all, stuffing in as much as you can on Christmas Day is what it is all about, but please remember that sometimes I have to also put up with any associated sugar highs, which after (1) and (2) are sometimes difficult to take.
- Please remember one different roll of wrapping paper per child. And allocate presents accordingly to named sack. No excuses. I don’t care how much wine you have been drinking on Christmas Eve. I will not have the fighting again over the rogue present wrapped in the wrong paper in the wrong sack.
- Musical Toys . These are no longer accepted after the Zingzilla Guitar fiasco, Saxophone and Trumpet (which were unhygienically the most popular toys on play dates for years until I saw the light), recorders or drum kits. I have 4 boys. I do not need more noise.
- Children’s toy versions of tablets, mobile phones, remote controls. These just don’t do the same thing as the real thing, so please just don’t waste your time or money, so unless it is a real one, don’t bother.
- Big box. I know you feel that each child needs to get an equal number of big presents and that each boy has to have one really big box, but I don’t think they ever notice (however leave that with me as I am not sure yet whether I am ready to take the risk).
- Things like jigsaws, fuzzy felts, games – yes all very nice and we will sometimes do these with our boys if we can sneak off alone with one or two of them, which is rare, so please consider a bit more. And we really don’t want or need 4 of each.
- Lego. Oh Lego. Please no more. It makes my heart sink when I think how much has been spent on it over the years, and now it just sits in rooms, with footballs or cricket balls slowly bashing the once perfect castles, police stations, haunted mansions, bat caves, fire stations (I think we have it all), and no one cares anymore. But I still have to dust it.
Right. That’s you done. Time to move on to the Grandparents. Now, which side gave us those 4 cake pop kits last year……